Mr Nightmare
Elm Street
Tel: 0141 666 1313
Fax: What’s a fax?
Email: nightmare@home.com

Let me introduce myself. I am Mr Nightmare, your pupil’s Guidance parent at Home.

Parenting is an extra provision at Home concerned with the development of your young pupil as a hole. As an experienced parent (I went to school!) I will not be involved at the crucial decision-making time when teaching subjects are chosen, I will not oversee how your pupil is progressing academically in your chosen courses neither will I take any interest in how they are getting on socially, that’s what we pay you for!

In the first year, I am your designated Nightmare. I will probably meet with your pupil outside the bathroom at 8:50 to be told “it’s an in-service day” and if there is nothing better on TV I will meet with you once a term to receive your deeply considered remarks about a different child.

Also in S1, I am your pupil’s designated parent for our course: “Parent Interactive Social Sessions”. These lessons, which I have timetabled between 20:36:42 to 20:36:43 will develop your pupil through the key stages in their adolescence and will be underpinned by the development of essential life-skills such as criticism, getting out of bed, and advanced game console management so useful for further education, work, career, parenting and those key life stages: Pre and Post Work Career.

Please be assured that I am on hand at all times and will be very pleased to take every opportunity to meet with you to assess your ability to recall anything of any relevance about this pupil.

If you wish (and even if you do not wish) we will discuss every meeting with everyone else we know and share notes to determine which pupil you think you were discussing.

Wishing you and your pupil a very happy and successful career,

Yours truly,

Mr Nightmare

Guidance Parent.